Facebook: Weekly Inquiry


I decided I couldn't bear the shruggy attitude Facebook has to the abuse we suffer at the hands of third party applications, so I deleted them all. I said goodbye to some fun things that I couldn't harves. I am still reeling from them removing the How did you meet section, which I had also wrangled to express me and had some amazing exchanges in. Thank goodness all my captions are safely stored with my pics in Picasa. A sad day when you don't trust your continued safe presence on Facebook.

What, in you life, is working really well for you right now?

Sjoe, there are so many things going right! Right this second the thing that is impressing me is learning that "A relationship is built on trust" is a phrase that is vilely, disgustingly, putridifyingly, irritatingly, suckily, annoyingly passive. Spit! Dan Savage, as always brilliant because he agrees with me incessantly, points out that in order to build trust with someone who is jealous, you give them the power. They control you and you submit to their control with the trust that they are working towards letting you have that other relationship that you need to fulfill whatever need it is you are looking to be filled. They learn to trust you with babysteps, and you learn if they will abuse their power to deprive you of what you need. This is the truncated version. See Dan for details. :)

Are you doing what you love for a living? If no Why not?

Yes! I love spending time learning software, poking around in the nooks and crannies of an application and working out how to use combinations of goodies to make the workflow easy-peasy. And then... I love to share it, so that I know that the people I teach are efficiently getting their work done (mentally sending me good vibes - "That Tanya has made my life bearable" ). I love it! Karma feed. Stuff RSS feed, I like karma feed. :)

Why do you get up in the morning?

To check my Google bits and pieces, and my Facebook. And to see what a new day's websurfing will offer me.

When is it safe to give up?

When it comes to my own life, my response to this question is, "Huh? I can't compute this question." When it comes to what we are doing to the planet and the animals on this planet, "Can anyone realistically say that there is hope? Or are the things that the few are doing just farts in the wind?"

What do you do when you feel alone?

Oh dear, this question on a day when I woke up enthralled with Kate Hudson's smile. Her smile draws people to her. Sounds trite, but 'smile'.

What does religion mean to you?

Nothing. I laud the desire to be spiritual, but I rarely see it practiced well. I can't align myself with much of it, and would not be proud to stand by most of it. Sadly.

So, does the past really belong to the one who remembers it most?

If people don't remember, if they don't want to remember, if it bores them, if they are too shallow to be bothered with past events, why should they get to own it. It's people who care, who engage, who invest who own it. Let the rest rot. :)

What is keeping the world from being a better place?

One: Too many people - a desire to procreate and make your own children instead of looking after the many that are unloved. Two: Social Welfare - we need to do it a different way, that the broader base of young people pay for infrastructure is a problem, because then we want the birthrate to stay up. Three: Greed - the too-broad middleclass has too high a standard of living and overconsumption, the broad base should have a lower living standard. Four: Careless - we don't have enough value put on having the Value 'caring' for people and animals.

How has your life changed in the last six months?

Still walking forward

What is one part of your body that you are proud of?

Great question Amanda! One of the more important and really significant questions asked. Our normal day to day lives are so much more important than some of the hectically philosophical questions asked. I think our attitude about our bodies impacts every nook and cranny of our lives. I have several favorite parts... My mouth, hair, teeth, hands, bulges, back, collar bone, elbows, neck, wild meat (mole things), nails, and you know I am going to name every single thing because if you took one away, I wouldn't be me. Imagine me with Iman hair... eek!

With unlimited resources where would you like to travel?

OK, well I would definitely offer Robert Downey Junior an insane amount of money to come with me. Resources unlimited... you said so.... Then a little island in the middle of nowhere with white beaches and a fully catered luxury guesthouse. And then, when that's finished, I want to get one of those people that write all that cool stuff for Time Out and have a succession of trips with them as guides. Just glut right out on info. Of course, RDJ would not be invited on that. And it must all be done by train. I love trains.

Is there a part of your past you would rather forget?

Giggle. Not bleddy likely. I want all my memories, even the bad ones. Even the ones that make me cringe. Even the ones that make me realise the magnitude of my past mistakes, so that it gives me a major impetus for NOT doing that stuff in the future. I regret nothing. (If you can think of something I should regret... errhhh... forget... let me know, and I will revise.)

What does love mean to you?

I always feel positive about my girlfriend, other girls always have some thing that makes me think I would not want to be in a relationship with them. I always respect her and think that she does everything with integrity and consistently. She is never mean. I think this non-meanness is key. Everyday this continues, I am surprised and pleased.

If you could be anyone else, dead or alive, who would you want to be and why?

Lynne Visser, who travels fearlessly and has visitors streaming through her house. And is so warm and sweet and generous and faith-full. Quietly inspirational. (I thought about the answer to this question the longest and I really struggled to think of someone and why I wanted to be them, Ghandi no, it would be a narcissism, and everyone of his ilk, rich no, it just brings heartache, Dan no, being that brilliant would only make me more impatient, Daly no, my ego is too fragile. This was a tough one. Thanks Lynne.)

What is the best book you have ever read and what made it the best?

The Cider House Rules. I love the layers upon layers upon layers. It means that rereading means reading for the first time too. I never feel like I have GOTTEN all the subtle meanings and visual linkages. DON'T SPEAK TO ME ABOUT THAT MOVIE. PTUIE! It was never going to make me happy. I was ready for resistance when I walked into it. If you dare to argue, answer me this... how come there was no logo of Ocean View Park on the car at the orphanage. If you can answer me that... I will listen. Otherwise, forget it!

What is your purpose in life?

I feel depressed. I don't think I have a purpose. Dang. Should I get one? Can my life really be, Have fun and then you die?

When do you feel uncomfortable or unwelcome being yourself?

Around people who want to make me into a clone and who don't appreciate that I am carrying the flag for diversity. They are embarrassed by me. I don't want people like that in my life, and yet, are there people who aren't like that. I don't want to be Paris Hilton. If there was a blonde pill and a blue eyed pill and an emaciation pill and pert boobs pill - would we all take those pills? Who wouldn't take an emaciation pill if they were as fat as me. And then we could all be the same. Indistinguishable. Sure we pay lip service to diversity while we can't change it, but if would could would we all go for thin, blonde, beautiful, clever. Oryx and Crake.

If you could do anything, no limits or boundaries, what would you do?

A yacht trip, round some white-beach islands. The yacht must have a large bed, because there is going to be lots of, er, you know... 'somes. Not three, but several, maybe five or so. And we are going to lurk around naked eating steaks and prawns and licking lemon butter off each other, swimming. No staff, just a dolphin-finding skipper and a chef, preferably Nigella. And Dan, although he will have to wear blinkers because he is such a fatist. But he must tell me stuff. And Cory, who must also tell me stuff.

What do people usually ask your help for?

I am ashamed to say they don't really.

How do you define happiness?

Just pottering around, spending ordinary day-time with your friends. This keeps the things one would worry about in perspective. In South Africa we call this having huisvriende. It's a really HUGE GIFT. My favorite.

What past resolutions are you still sticking too?

Not a one. But I still think that one day I might. Actually, I think smoking might have fallen into the Resolution packet once or twice. I quit smoking roughly 20 times before I really did. I guess Resolutions + Zyban + Peer Pressure + Legal Pressure helped the process along when it came to crunch time. Resolutions are a gentle reminder to not stop trying.

What are your family traditions?

Driving through the night to a holiday destination and listening to Johnny Mathis on full blast. Then spending the whole holiday building giant 5000 piece puzzles.

What thoughts keep you awake at night?

I replay yukky things that I have said, and worry about the future, and worry that if I sleep I will wake up with a crook leaning over me. I rarely sleep. One of the most wonderful gifts I can receive is when someone is awake and watching over me, and I can sleep knowing they are there.

What would you like to be more naturally gifted in?

Palmreading and Tarot reading, and teaching.

What topics would you feel confidant to give advice?

Spelling... confident, but not too loudly because I know about proof-reading too - it's impossible to catch everything. Writing, computers, internet, sex, relationships, sociological goodies, criminological goodies, self-help, och... the list is long. I am so weary. That's weary, not wary.

Who are you spending your thanksgiving with?

George, Luke, Bart, Jack, Ripley, Jodie and the Rat. Sometimes it's got to be done.

How does the life you have differ from the life you want?

I would love to live in JHB, safely.

How do you tend to show your appreciation towards someone?

I tell them. I get a bit shy and schmultzy face to face, so I often wuss out and do it via email or sms.

How would you summarize the story of your life?

Spineless monster until I made good friends to test the mettle of my opinions. Loved many a lot. Fell in love three times. Became a feminist. The mettle of my opinions rapierized. Lost lots. Did all the adult stuff. Flux continues.

For what problems do you usually seek advice?

Hmmm. none. I never have to seek. I seem surrounded by people who offer it. Which is fine, i do it too. But what really gets up my doengis is that if I don't take the advice, they make me feel stupid if something goes wrong with B, when it is perfectly possible that their plan A could have been flawed too, it's untested!

What things or people do you depend on?

My computer and my DSTV and my video machine. The people part is more interesting in terms of Goodness, me-to-me - how do I think? Hmm, I think I am very self-reliant. I ask people to do stuff, but if they don't I immediately swop over to You Do it Tanya. And I don;t often feel like It's Their Job. OK OK, wait, I do rely on people for love. Loving myself definitely doesn't do the trick, I can tell you. <she exits <<giggle>> ponderously>

What qualities/lifestyles do you respect, but are't necessarily for you?

I support the active promotion of difference as OK. I despise the attitude that we all have to be the same. I hate homogeneity, it makes me ill. I have got lists of things that make me different from my neighbour and I would fight in the streets for the right to be different to me. I will even celebrate your difference with you, but I kinda expect you to respect my difference in return. <lifts left eyebrow>

What bad experience's are you grateful for having?

All of them. Although I have not had some of the really bad ones, I do recognise the value of the ones I have had. Never shied away from love-hurt of any kind. And the other kinds have been worthwhile too. The ones I didn't like are the self-caused ones, stupid stuff.

What would you do today if the world was ending tomorrow?

Well, not to put too fine a point on it... erh. You know. Come on of course you know! Tssk. I know you know, there really isn't going to be too much guesswork here... Lindt milk chocolate of course, those redly wrapped round ones ... A FEAST! And sex.

What worries you about the future?

I think humans are stuffing it up. We are stuffing up the animals, the environment, the water, the sea. I wouldn't dare call these things our resources! Oil, poverty, war! It's a mess. There is no future.

Why do you think people like you?

Well, that question calls for all sorts of immodesty, something I am good at. I am bright, vivacious, intelligent, witty, retortful, social, media-loving, interesting, unique, strange, fun, erhhh, how long must this list be. And, more scarily, am I going to have to produce one just like it to answer, Why do you think people don't like you?

What do you participate in that's greater than yourself?

Not enough, but yesterday I got some ideas. Hoping to consolidate them by end Friday.

What's the best way for someone to approach you?

Stuff the approach! All I care about is that they spend a bit of time really thinking about who they are, because they may as well not get within a meter if they are vile and disgusting. I will simply sit on them and they will die! Viva l'introspection. Grr.

Who are the most interesting people you've met?

Goodness. Is interesting synonymous with love!? Because I have come across stunningly interesting people and really been attracted to them, because that's HOW I become attracted to people. But in a way they aren't necessarily settling down with material. You can look up to people without wanting to climb into bed with them for a lifetime... See! OK, so now that's out of the way.... .... .... .... Dang! it still feels like I am going to list all sorts of people that are on the IN LOVE list. Because there are a few that I find interesting but am not attracted to, entirely. But I could've. But no that would be crazy. Conversely, I have been seriously ATTRACTED to people I didn't find interesting... .... .... .... where am I going with this? Ek weet nie!

What would you call your personality type?


What are you good at?

Bunches of stuff. But I am really good at finding the fast way of doing stuff, the simpler way, I can make it look easy.

What's the one thing you must do before you die?

Travel to Europe again. See my friends from the old days... Write a book. Live in my imagination for a year or two. Meet Dan Savage and Barry Ronge (as a fly)... Speak my mind about feminism and have someone care... Watch billions more movies that please me.... Eek. One thing. Which is the one thing. ONE. Errrh. Live in my imagination for a year. Doable.

In what situations do you feel most like yourself?

Teaching, being with the girl I love, watching movies, surfing the internet, goodness, I don't think I am ever not myself. Maybe let's look at it from that perspective. I am not myself when.... I am hiding who I am.

How would you prefer your life to end?


Do you deserve the life you have?

Yes, I think I do. But there are times when I think that is not true for every living thing. Animals abused, children abused. That's really not fair. When grownups get abused there is still a chance that they can think it through, but animals and children can't. I hate that. Today I wish for the relief from all of these horrible abuses.

If you had a magic wand to change the world, how would you change it?

Humans would disappear.

Where do you find your motivation?


How has your physical appearance affected your life?

I think a lot. I am fat, and I think many people judge me for that. Also, I am very tall and I tend to get the check at the end of the meal. People give me authority and sometimes react as though I abuse power when I use that authority. Where I think that had I been half my size the same behavior from me would have resulted in a different response. But how can I know? It doesn't happen often, and I have learned to counter it, but I can see when it happens.

How much importance do you place on having a significant other?

Supreme. The right significant other of course. To have a family. To give love changes you, makes you a better person. To receive love graciously.

What do you fear most?

Rape. Violence to my loved ones. Torture.

How was your childhood?

Loved it! Couple of bumps along the way, but nothing that living doesn't give you. I was well out of the cocoon, so I definitely had some things to contend with. But I came out whole! How great is that!

How different would your life be if you were the opposite gender?

Do you know that scene in Smack the Pony, where the blonde is asking the brunette questions about preschools. The brunette says she luckily doesn't have to think about that because she has no children. The blonde looks down at the brunette's giant pregnant belly. All of a sudden the brunette realises she is pregnant and starts swatting at her belly as though it were an insect that could be chased away. Pretty much how I would respond to boy bits down there.

What aspect of your life could you use help with?

Money, how to manage it. Doesn't everyone?

Where will you be in 10 years?

I would like to have a computer training school of my own, where I can teach people that I want to teach what I want to teach them. Ooh, and I would have access to fast ADSL as many gigs as I want so that I could just hook in directly with my brain. I want to be 'jacked in'! Pass the chip.

What are your top priorities?

Today, food and movies, chocolates and popcorn, fun and games. I need a little cheering.

What do you think people learn about you from your first impression?

This calls for copious amounts of modesty, just hang on, I will have to hunt around for some. I am friendly and warm, intelligent and witty. I dislike negativity and have many skills and pulling people from that brink. I can be intense and I love palm reading! And this is just the first hour!

What's the most complex part of your life?

The car. When must it be serviced? Why is the temperature going up so high? Why are the mechanics stealing my parts? Should I be taking a picture of my engine before I send it in? Of every bit of the car? Will someone notice the crack in my dashboard? Are the dogs going to scratch the leather? Will I run out of petrol before I get home? Is it a gas guzzler? Why did I park under that tree without noticing the nest right above me? Does that guy want to steal it? Is a parking lot safe for her? Where did I park her?

What's the most common interest you share with your friends?

Gender politics

Would you sacrifice yourself for the good of anyone else?

Yes. I am astounded to say so. I am secretly so suspicious. But there is one other person whom I believe enough, trust enough, to know that they should be around longer than me.

Why are(n't) you normal?

So that I don't bore the people around me to death!

Are there any smells, sounds, tastes, or sights that make you nostalgic?

Tastes mostly. Food experiences dot my landscape.

Why should everyone feel sorry for you?


Are you biased towards or against anything?

Actually, I think an informed bias is rather good. It's ignorant bias that is anathema. Our Christian anti-judging background doesn't make sense at all. Would you want a rehabilitated pedophile as a preschool teacher for your kids?... Chalk. Or what about being so incautious as to walk down the street in Johannesburg?... Cheese. Your bias should inform your caution should inform your action. Bias away!

How strong are your family ties?

Sadly, dismal. But when they are there they are strangely strong.


What's the best advice you've received?

Just say Yes, don't wait to find out what you are being asked to do. Just say Yes. Thanks, Mommy! (Not sexual! Take your mind out of the gutter!)

What is your resolution for the new year?

My New Years Resolution is to stick to the two year plan.

How has your choice of friends affected who you are?

Next to my family culture, my friends are the most formative force in my life. I am burning hot on that forge 24/7, being bashed and smashed and tossed into the waterbucket and mauled on the forge again. Talk about the effect of the Frying Pan and the Fire. Never mind walking on water, more like walking on lava. Tssst!

What demographics do you (dis)like being clumped into?

I don't care, as long as They are not doing it to prepare a Eugenics ledger or Spam database, They can collect any info they want.

What are you thankful for?

Not necessarily in this order.... Mommy, Katty, internet, Daddy, computers, friends, movies, palmistry, books, tv, chocolate, smsing, videomachines, niknaks, Robert Downey Jr, ice cream, pens, Meg Ryan before the surgery, clothes, dogs, cats, animals of all kinds, psychics, electricity, cars, houses, trees, nature, sea, feminism, Dr McKay, pillows, kissing, you know, ooh, more you knows, emails, adsl, Cafe 41, Sandra Bullock, Frances McDormand, cameras, creme brulee, matresses, roads, facebook, cellphones, sunroofs, trains, waves, moon, citylights, stars, breezes, rain, flush toilets, biltong... that should cover the top things.

What qualities do you admire?

Wit, intelligence, sincerity, loyalty, hominess


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